Hosting a Funeral Luncheon: A Detailed Plan

I present you with some confidence-building information on how to host a funeral luncheon, lest you chicken out of this undertaking and allow it to become a lost art. Which would be a shame because it is such an important way to minister to a grieving family.

Speaking from my small town Southern experience, the funeral luncheon can occur either before or after the funeral itself. Regardless of when it's scheduled, it's going to take the greater part of a day and be a draining (but satisfying) undertaking, so plan accordingly.

1. Cook the food. The day before, if possible. Choose something that can sit, is easy to warm up, can be served buffet-style, and that won't scare anyone. Lasagna-salad-French bread is a good configuration. Pork loin-mashed potato casserole-green beans-salad. Soy sauce chicken thighs-coconut rice-Asian slaw. The keynote is ease for the cook and ease for the guest.

In case there are vegetarians present, an easy bring-along option (you can eat it yourself later if it goes unneeded) is a simple cheese plate--a pear, some nice crackers, and half of a small Brie drizzled with warm raspberry jam and sprinkled with walnuts.

2. Prepare the tables. I would go to any lengths (including bringing china plates from home) to avoid paper plates and plastic silverware at bare tables. Most churches have some real tableware, and almost anything looks good if the tables are draped in colorful (for white plates) or plain white (for bright china) tablecloths. Mismatched silverware, folded paper napkins, and real glassware make the tables look inviting, and are available in most church kitchens, I would think.

Take care of the details for each table--salt & pepper, milk & sugar, butter--and decide whether the tables need or can even hold a little bit of decoration. Long rectangular tables tend to fill up quickly, and no decor is needed.

I think that beautiful, welcoming tables speak very clearly to the family that they are cared for, cherished, and worth serving.

3. Arrange the food service. The best plan is a buffet set up on a side table very close to the family seating. For sure, drape the table in a lovely cloth or two, and plan room for your serving dishes and pitchers of ice water or tea. Coffee service can also go here, or coffee cups can be set at the table, and you and your helpers can walk around with coffee to pour.

4. Serve the meal. Realize that this will work much better if you don't attend the service, but instead make things ready. Ideally you will have at least two competent helpers. Get the food heated up and maintain it at serving temperature--you never know how long it will take people to gather. Brew coffee, ice the glasses. As people settle in, invite them to collect a plate and help themselves to food. After they are all seated, you can walk around offering coffee (if you've worked in food service, or entertained large groups often, this will be old hat! I write for the rest of us).

As the meal progresses, make sure that coffee continues to flow, that water glasses are topped off, and that the food hasn't run low.

As people finish, you can begin clearing plates. I have my helpers do this while I remove the main course from the buffet table and bring out dessert. If it is tidy cake, have it cut into small slices ready for self-service. If it is messy, plate it yourself and leave the servings on the buffet table.

Remember that you are there to serve as a friend, but you aren't part of the family. On the other hand, don't get to thinking that you have to act like a waitress!

5. Clean up. Self-explanatory, I know. As an aside, it's really nice if there is enough food that you and your helpers can have a quick bite.

You will be tired, but it will be good.

My girls and I did all of this yesterday for Veda's family, and I am so glad we could.